i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
