so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
