now i know why i became what i already was.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
