I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize