we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
