Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
