His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize