So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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