Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize