Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
