youre lurking in front of me
This is not my ceiling
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
