I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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