do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
