So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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