she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
