Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
