Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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