she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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