He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
