Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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