Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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