im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
