there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my sisters under your porch take her home
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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