All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
