just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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