You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
