Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just googled if crying burns calories
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
