One girl and one boy is just not enough.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
