Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
