Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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