found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
