I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
