I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
