Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
