You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
please don't ironically join a cult
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