god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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