i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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