I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
