i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
operation harelip BJ is a go
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
