Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
