Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
