Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
