If that was your dad, he is hot
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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