separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
