I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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