you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
