How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
