It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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