She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize