nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
