Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
