if you like me you must not know who I am
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
