did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
