This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
