I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
