just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
