I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She needs sedatives and a leash
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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