Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
