At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
