BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
