I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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