things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
