is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
