I want to make a zoo with you.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
