im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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