so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
