WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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