The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
