Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
