Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize