i permit you to call me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
