You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
