Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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