So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
