Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
