I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She swung at the pinata with crutches
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
