We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
