you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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