I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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