im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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