I want to make a zoo with you.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
