oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize