y did u give ur computer a hand job?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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