he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
