South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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