i just had sex bonerless
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You need a sexual gate keeper
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
