Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
