just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize