She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
