I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
