If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just had sex on a roof
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
