She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
