You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
