oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
