I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
