ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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