He uses pillows to masturbate.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
