if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
try to milk me bitch
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