What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
