32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My feet surprised me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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