last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
