Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
