i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
