How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
