I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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