i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
