it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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