We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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